Because You love me,
I trust You -
I step out, Lord.
I am blooming from the wound where I once bled.
Rune Lazuli (via honeyandgrace)
This is what God does if we let Him in, redemption redemption redemption.
I have heard the gospel a thousand times, in a thousand forms. No matter, preach it to me again. I hunger, I tire, I sigh. Preach it to me again; it is my food, it is my rest, it is my sweet embrace. Preach it to me again, will you have me starve by the lack of it? Tell me of my sin, I beg, tell me of the Son. Tell me of our Fountainhead; tell me what He’s done.
Paolo Arimado (via breanna-lynn)
I run this race for You.
Kenneth Chew
Pull me a little closer
Take me a little deeper
I wanna know Your heart
Your love is so much sweeter
Than anything I’ve ever tasted.Oh, how great Your love is for me
How great is Your love!
IHOPKC
God damn our lack of perspective
You know what really bugs me? Is that in a world where there is child prostitution, human trafficking, maid abuse, civil war, religious extremism, people beheading other people, humans abusing animals for fun and profit and convenience and cosmetics, chemical and nuclear weapons, cyber bullying that drives teenagers to suicide, selfish irresponsible folks that leech off others and contribute to cycles of fear, greed, and shame, corrupt politicians, GODDAMNED POVERTY that we pass by every day in our so-called first world countries, people are more bothered about hearing swear words than actually doing something about all this real shit we need to have a hand in cleaning up. So I don’t really care that people are offended by the wrong things, what makes me more pissed off is they then try to make me think that I’m the one being disproportionate in my responses when I’m upset. Get real already. God doesn’t send you to hell for saying the F word. And your 16-year old is at more risk of watching porn and hearing foul language in school than from my Facebook feed.
Startling Adult Realisations
God is definitely showing/bringing things to the forefront for consideration. That’s His mercy in dealing with us, and maybe shedding light on a nagging issue that’s followed me for many years. It’s fascinating how these roots manifest, sometimes in confusing, wayward longings.
A few people have pointed out to me recently, rather startling truths about the way we relate as a family. Stuff along the lines of, quite literally, “Your mom sees your sister as: God’s gift to the world!”
When asked how I feel about that, I can only answer that I never quite noticed until it was pointed out. Is it bad that I notice it now? Should I brush it aside as petty, that my mom has this special feeling that makes her so disproportionately, blind-spotly proud of my sister (despite my sister’s deep insecurities/illusion/quite ridiculous insistence that my mother favours me - she brings this up only when she’s done something so far beyond justification that she actually gets that rare telling off)? Because my mother generally tries to be a thinker, a practical, reasonable person. But her natural leaning comes out in these weak areas - and it can’t be helped. It is what it is because she feels what she feels, and it’s something she justifies in all kinds of ways. I see that now, especially in some recent big time decisions that I’d have predicted as a no, since it was rather impractical, burdensome, and frankly, just disproportionate - but sure enough, to my surprise, it was a yes. Apparently everyone else knew it would be a yes because whatever my sister wants, my mom will facilitate. And she’ll find her justifications for that yes, having already decided it was a yes. But I’d never looked at it objectively because, being a kind of offshoot/branch office of my mother, I saw it from her perspective, and would eventually assist with it. My sister knows, and will always go through my mom to even get the rest of us to do what she wants. So true enough, I might not originally want to do it for my sister, but indirectly I will eventually because my mom asks on her behalf. It’s almost Catholic (praying to Mother Mary to get to Jesus…not that I’m Jesus. Metaphors only go so far!) I struggled, my natural sense of always wishing to see equality (in all circumstances, not just my own) struggled, but ultimately I always acquiesce to my mother’s point of view.
A very telling admission: my mother firmly believes (it’s a Myers-Briggs ‘NF’ thing for sure) that God has favourites. She says she’s one of His favourites. Now if you think the Divine Parent, the measure of all justice in the universe, the most equitable and fair Being in existence, has favourites…it wouldn’t be at all surprising that as a person believing this, you’d also inherently hold the belief that human parents have favourites. You’ll do it unconsciously, always wanting to deny it, but at the core your belief system validates it.
And so I’m left with figuring out what to do now I’ve realised that something I’ve struggled with all my life and told in totality only to one person, is probably actually…almost *predictably* because deep down inside I’ve subconsciously felt/experienced this “not being favoured” - loved, but not favoured - and tried to plug the gap with the stories I imagine and make up in my head. Thank God I’m an INFP that can live happily in my head with these or I might have tried to plug it with pseudo/false/twisted versions of actual relationships. Anyways, identifying a problem and doing root cause analysis will ultimately help me - because I know the grace of God (God who has no favourites because He’s really Perfect and Just in His Love) will give me the power to then resolve, overcome and permanently put to death all of that which is fallen in me. He is faithful, able and willing to perfect all of that which concerns me.
You’ve set Your Love on me
Because Love loves to love
And the reward of love is love.
Misty Edwards
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
George Eliot